Bipolar

Long story short, I had a student in one of my classes get into trouble with me and the explanation they gave to administration for why they shouldn't get punished was:  "He's bipolar."  Ha!  I've never heard that excuse before, but at least it's creative...


That excuse got me thinking about some things, though.  It made me really reflect on my life, even consider whether I was actually bipolar or not.  And you know what I've concluded?


I am.


No, I don't mean in the clinical, "characteristic cycles of depression and elation" kind of way.   But I do think there are definitely two forces inside of me that battle on a daily basis.  There are two poles to which I feel pulled and it's a constant struggle for me to deal with them.  I read a passage like Romans 7:15-25 and I completely understand what Paul is going through:

"For I do not understand my own actions.  For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.  Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good.  So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.  For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh.  For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.  For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.  Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.  So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand.  For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members.  Wretched man that I am!  Who will deliver me from this body of death?  Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!  So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin."

I read that and I get the feeling that Paul literally sounds like a crazy person!  And then I think, "Me, too!"  Paul has perfectly captured in words the battle, the war that we all wage as believers.  I hope that you read a passage like that and you feel the same feeling resonating inside of you.  We struggle!  It's true.  Why not admit it?  Why not be honest about where we are in life instead of just pretending that everything's okay and telling everyone that we have it all together.  That's the furthest thing from the truth than anything I've heard in a long time.


Does that mean that we relish the fact that we're sinners?  That we just keep on sinning because, "I've already messed up this much.  What's one more sin?"  No, not by any means!  Paul even addresses that very issue in a previous chapter of Romans (6:1-4).  I do think, though, that we should be honest with people about sin in our lives and be the first to admit when we struggle with things.


I love what our pastor talked about in church this morning, too.  He talked about confession and how having good Christian accountability can do so much for a person.  That means admitting that you struggle with (insert sin here) and letting someone help you in that struggle.  That means holding other people accountable as well.  There's just no need to pretend anymore.  There's no point to playing this game that we all get caught up in, the game that says, "It's all those other people who are struggling with sin - I'm okay." or "My sin's not as bad as that guy's." or "No one will understand.  My sin is so much worse than everyone else."


Remember, Christ didn't come to save the people who have it all together.  He came to save the sinners.  He came to seek out the lost - and believe me, without Him we're all lost.


This whole world's full of crazy, bipolar people...and Jesus is the only one with the cure.

That Person

Picture this:  you're sitting in a cafe (or whatever place you frequent often) and in walks that person.  You know who I'm talking about.  They're the person that every time you talk to them you come away feeling negative. It could even be discouraging to talk to them at times.  Honestly, do you know someone like that?


It's hard isn't it?  Trying to make conversation when the person just keeps finding something negative to talk about, even in the most positive of situations.


Question:  Are you ever that person?  Am I?


I was reading Philemon this morning and the Lord pointed several things out to me.  Usually, I read it and the main theme that resonates is the idea of reconciliation and making sure that I've dealt with conflict appropriately.  This morning, however, I noticed that on two different instances Paul uses a form of the word "refresh."

"For I have derived much joy and comfort from your love, my brother, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you."  vs. 7

"Yes, brother, I want some benefit from you in the Lord.  Refresh my heart in Christ."  vs. 20 

I just couldn't get away from it.  Literally, I had to go get the Greek Lexicon off of the shelf and start looking up root words and uses in other areas of the Bible because I just kept thinking about that word.


It took me all day thinking about it to finally realize what God was trying to say to me.


Sometimes I am that person.


And so, yet again, I'm convicted - not that it's a bad thing, mind you - it's just tough to seek growth in your walk with God because the closer you get the more sin you see.  I think Paul is right on when he commends Philemon for being an individual who is refreshing to be around.  Philemon does it for the whole body of believers through the way he lives out his faith (vs. 7), but he also does it for Paul individually through obedience and reconciliation (vs. 20).


It's a great example to live by because we all have times where life gets just plain overwhelming and stressful and we can tend to get negative - even if you don't, I know I certainly do.  But I think the important thing is to remember that everyone else has those times, too.  Why not follow the example of Philemon?  Wouldn't you prefer be that breath of fresh air to someone rather than foul, stale air?  Wouldn't you like to be the person that people look forward to talking to?


Or would you rather be known as that person?

Another Round

This post keeps coming to mind.  It's been reminding me of what I already know but had forgotten in the stresses of the past few days.  Thank you, Lord, for being faithful even when I'm faithless (2 Timothy 2:11-13).


Check it out here.


Maybe one of you out there needs the reminder as badly as I did.  

Voices

I'm participating today (the best that I can considering my job as a teacher) and I'm asking that you participate as well.  We can make a difference just by silencing our voices for those who never had a chance to speak for themselves.

Rocking Chairs

Isabella has this little $2 plastic chair that she LOVES.  I mean, she will get it out, push it around, pull it from room to room, sit in it, get up, move it to another spot, sit in it again, and on and on...It's crazy how much she enjoys that chair!


This morning, in the midst of playing with her chair, she discovered that she could lean and make the chair rock back and forth.  The problem is - it's not a rocking chair.  Not at all.  In fact, this chair is barely solid enough to hold her up while sitting normally (hence, the cheapness).  So, grinning happily, she leans forward and tilts the chair.  Then she leans back and tilts it further.  Over and over, forward and back, progressively leaning more and more away from the chair's center of gravity.  Of course, you know what happened next.  She leaned too far back and - BONK! - on the floor she went...


Five minutes of tears and snot later...


I'm sitting there rocking her in my arms, wishing I had been fast enough to catch her, and rewinding the whole thing in my head.  You know what kept coming to mind while I pondered?


A line.  Specifically, a line established by God as the standard between right and wrong.  I know that seems like a wild connection, but hear me out.


I think sometimes we treat our freedom in Christ like that chair.


Christ came to free us from the law through grace (Romans 6:14), true.  But that doesn't mean we don't have any limitations to our living, that we can just do whatever we want to do (Romans 6:1).  Christ came not to abolish the law but to fulfill it (Matthew 5:17), and so there's this line drawn for us in the sand.  A line that differentiates us from the world.  A line that sets us apart as holy for the purpose of glorifying our Father in heaven.  And yet, I see people stepping closer and closer to the line.  I see this chair being tilted forward and back, precariously close to falling.


I hear people say, "Nothing's wrong with having one or two beers.  It's not like I'm getting drunk."  Or they say, "Just because the music I listen to has cuss words in it doesn't mean I'm cussing."  Oh, and this is my favorite - "I'm not lusting.  I'm just appreciating God's creation."


Are you kidding me?!


All over the world there are believers (and I include myself in this) getting as close to the line as they possibly can, abusing and making a mockery of the grace that they've been shown.  To quote Paul, "By no means!"


Since when did it become okay to do wrong (by Christ's standards, not the world's) and then justify it in some way or other?  If we are doing anything that causes or could cause a brother or sister in Christ to stumble, to trip up, to fall into sin - we are wrong. We. Are. Sinning. (Romans 14:13-23)


So, what should we do?  What's the take away?


We should be trying to live a life as far away from the line as possible.  We should be sitting in that chair as still as can be, or not even sitting in the chair at all.  Know why?  Because if we don't stop leaning, if we don't stop playing around right on the edge of danger - we'll fall.  Big time.  With a bruise and bump on our noggin to show for it.  While I didn't let Isabella fall on purpose, that fall certainly taught her a lesson.  Later, she went back to it very carefully, making sure that she didn't lean at all.  I don't think God wants to see His children hurting, but He certainly isn't beyond letting us "fall out of our chair" to teach us a lesson (Proverbs 3:11-12, Hebrews 12:4-11).

Effort

This morning I was reading the fourth chapter of Paul's letter to the Colossians and I stumbled across this verse.  I know I've read it before, but it was new and fresh to me today so I thought I'd share:

"Epaphras, who is one of you, a servant of Christ Jesus, greets you, always struggling on your behalf in his prayers, that you may stand mature and fully assured in all the will of God." (vs. 12)

That word...struggling...it hung me up a bit.  After a little research on Bible Gateway (my favorite online Bible resource, by the way), I found what other translations put in place of 'struggling'.


Wrestling...
Laboring...
Tireless...


I don't know about you but those words all imply work to me.  Effort.  Intentionality, even.  So then, I started thinking.  When is the last time I prayed and it felt like work?  I don't mean that I prayed begrudgingly.  I mean, when is the last time that I prayed so hard and so fervently that an observer would say I was "struggling on your behalf in his prayers"?


I honestly don't know.  Saying that out loud sounds so terrible to me.  It makes me ashamed.  It makes me embarrassed.  But it's true.


And so, yet again, Paul smacks me around a bit.  I hope every time I read the Word I come away sore with the work out it's given me, my pride chipped away more and more, yet stronger in my faith and with something tangible to apply in my life as a result.


Here's the take away - I'm making it a point to pray.  More specifically, to pray hard.  To struggle, to wrestle, to labor, to tirelessly pour out my heart to the Father of Life who hears our prayers and answers our cries as we lift up our praise, thanks, confessions, and requests to Him.  And I'm praying for you, the reader, that you will continue to see the Lord for who He is in your life and continue to seek after Him - the only One who can give peace and direction and purpose to your life.


I would love to know if you have anything specific you would like me to pray for and I will gladly pray for your requests.  Leave me a comment.


Oh, and will you join with me in praying?

Exams

At the school where I teach, this week is exam week.  It's that special time during the school year that only comes around once every 9 weeks. The students are all restless with anticipation and (just to show how excited they are) they all spend weeks preparing for them - studying all the notes that they've so painstakingly written, pouring over practice problems that they've made up in their spare time to help with the preparation, and even forming impromptu study groups in the cafeteria while they munch on healthy food choices.


Who am I kidding?  Do you really think that my students eagerly anticipate taking their exams?  No way!  I feel lucky if they even remember that they have an exam, much less study for it adequately enough to perform well.  I mean, I have literally heard a kid walk into class and say out loud, "We have an exam in here?"


So this morning, as I was thinking about the day ahead of me and all that it entailed, I remembered something that I tell my kids all the time - but especially when a big test or exam is coming up:  Don't wait until the last minute to study!


Now, why do I say that?  I say it because when they wait until the last minute all kinds of bad things can happen.  They could find that they've lost their notes and have nothing to study.  Or they could not remember how to work a problem (even though we've worked it in class together many times).  Maybe they get themselves confused on a concept and then don't have time to come ask for help.  Ultimately (and we all know this because we've been there a time or two), bad things usually happen when we wait until the last minute to get it done.  And what is the end result of waiting to cram the night before a test or exam?  Failure.


I know it's terrible to think about those kids failing a test or exam, but we do it to ourselves as well, don't we?  What do you do when you're tempted to sin?  Where do you go for guidance in resisting the devil?  To Whom do you turn when you've given in and feel overcome with guilt?  You see, why is it that I can shake my head in disappointment at my kids who all wait until the last minute to study for their test, yet I do the same exact thing in my own life?


Why do we wait until we are in the middle of temptation to pray and consult God's Word?  Why do we wait until temptation has nearly overtaken us to go running to the Father for help in our time of need?  Just like waiting until the night before the exam, if you don't take the time to prepare for the test well in advance of it, you will fail.


I think that very same phrase from earlier can apply to us as well.  Don't wait until the last minute to study.  Here's what the Bible has to say about it:

"I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you."        Psalm 119:11

God knows us just like I know my students.  He knows we end up waiting until the very last minute to ask for help, but that's the most difficult time to remember that he has made a way out of our temptation.  When we are caught in the midst of temptation, it seems the last thing we think of is asking God for help.  But what happens if we've been storing His Word away in our hearts the whole time?  It just flows out, naturally, from frequency of use, and then the temptation becomes easier to run away from.  Jesus modeled it for us himself.  What did He do when faced with the temptation of the devil?  He quoted scripture.  What should we do when faced with temptation?  Quote scripture.


Of course, that means we have to have it hidden in our hearts in the first place.


Just a reminder for us all today - don't wait until the last minute to study.
  

Fearless

Have you ever heard a story, maybe on the news or the radio, about someone in another country who is being persecuted for their faith?  Maybe you read that book "Jesus Freak" by DC Talk that tells stories about followers of Christ being imprisoned, tortured, even killed for their preaching of the gospel?


What is your reaction to stories like that?


I'll tell you mine.  I say, "Aw.  Man.  That is terrible.  I wish there was something I could do.  I will definitely pray for them."  Sound familiar?


Compare my response with that of Paul's contemporaries:

"And most of the brothers, having become confident in the Lord by my imprisonment, are much more bold to speak the word without fear." Phil. 1:14

Wow. Here I am listening to a story about someone who has given up their life for the sake of the gospel and I respond with "I'll pray for them."  Don't get me wrong, prayer is great.  It's amazing.  It's wonderful.  It should be a part of every response that I have to every situation. The convicting part of this verse for me is that while I settle and let prayer be good enough, the believers in the early church didn't stop there.  They saw how Paul was imprisoned and it only made them more bold!  It only made them preach more!


Where did we go wrong?  What happened to us?  Why are we not out there shouting the name of Christ from the rooftops because we can't do anything else in response to the persecution of believers around the globe?  Why are we not telling our friends and family, who we say we love, about Jesus' sacrifice on the cross for their sins?


Is it because, just maybe, we've become comfortable?  Have we gotten into our little routines of going to work, taking kids to games, studying for class, going to church, etc. and completely forgotten about our true calling in life?  Have we become complacent in our comfort?


Or is it a belief issue?  Do we really believe what we say we believe?  Do we really believe that Jesus Christ saves us from our sins and makes our lives new?  Do we really believe that He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life and no one comes to the Father except through Him?


I suppose my take away today is urgency.  I want to have a heart and mind that is just as burdened for the lost as Paul was, just as urgent about sharing the good news as his brothers in Christ were upon seeing Paul in prison.  I want to be fearless.


What about you?