Awkward

A couple of weeks ago I went to Starbucks to study for a Greek midterm. This is a story from that night (and no, it's not a lengthy tale of Greek verbs and grammar rules :)


I had a lot to study, so I came prepared - headphones in, flashcards prepped, hot coffee at my side. A little while after I had been sitting there, two high school age girls came in, got some coffee, and sat down right in my line of sight. A few minutes later, a boy came in (also about high school age) meandered around for a bit, saw these two girls, and proceeded to talk to them. A few things were obvious from my point of view: they all knew each other, he wanted to talk and be friendly, and the girls did not. The problem is - the boy had no idea that they they were giving every non verbal cue possible to hint at their non-interest in the conversation.

So, as I watched, I began to feel judgment rise up in my heart. Briefly, I sided with the boy, quickly coming to the conclusion that these girls needed to be more welcoming, more friendly, less obvious in their disdain for him. But a curious thing happened, something that I think happened because of the true depth of sin in my heart. I started to resent the boy, too. I started to think, judgmentally and wrongly, that he just needed to give it up. He's awkward, I reasoned. He needs to go spend time with people who are more like him, I thought.


Pretty soon thereafter, the girls made up some excuse to leave and the boy was left there sitting. He seemed to be waiting on someone.


A couple of minutes passed and a guy about my age walked in and let me tell you, this boy's face lit up. It was clear that the person he was expecting had arrived. They got coffee. They sat down (thank you Lord) right in my line of sight. And they began to talk.


After a few prompting questions, the boy starts telling his story - you know, how he got to where he is today. I'll be honest, I love those kind of stories. So, I popped out a headphone to hear it all. I'm glad I did, too, because it truly blessed, challenged, and convicted me. 


I heard the story of a boy who, admittedly, struggled with social interactions and finding his place in a high school world where awkward kids don't really "fit" into the social hierarchy. He became depressed to the point of preparing to commit suicide. His only real friend, in an effort to share the Gospel with him, introduced him to a band, Skillet. She thought maybe their songs could have an effect. She was right. There was a song that really struck a chord with him, particularly because it talked about suicide and purpose in life. He'd never heard before that his life could have purpose. Meaning. Hope.


And there I sat, listening to his story of how Jesus found him and pulled him out of the "miry clay." I was pierced to the core at how quick I was to pass judgment earlier. I was convicted as I was reminded of my own story of redemption and how often I don't share it. And I was encouraged as I heard yet another story of how Christ can radically alter a person's life. You see, you cannot truly meet Christ and walk away unchanged.


So I ask you - how judgmental are you of other people? You never know where a person is coming from and the very thing you judge them for could be what God uses to teach a you lesson in humility. I seem to keep learning that the hard way...


Also - how often do you share your story with people you come into contact with? Or better yet, how often do you ask someone to tell their story to you? You never know the impact you could have on someone, whether you lead them to meet Christ for the first time or remind them of when they did.


Our worship pastor said a couple months ago, "The Gospel isn't just for saving folks. It sustains us, too." He's right. There is no greater gift you could give a person than the Truth of the Gospel.

Blood

I'm starting to get a glimpse of how the Jews might feel about the Old Testament sacrificial system.


Burdened. Overwhelmed. Hopeless. Lost.


My Bible reading plan for 2011 involves reading through the whole Bible.  Part of that includes the book of Leviticus - which I've been avoiding (most likely subconsciously) due to its content.  I mean, who wants to read rules we don't even follow anymore?  Right?


I have to be honest, though, reading through the book of Leviticus so far has been a very eye-opening experience.  I think I came across the whole point of Leviticus in today's reading.  Chapter 11, verse 45.  "You shall therefore be holy, for I am holy."


My thoughts are all jumbled when it comes to the subject of Leviticus because I'm still new to the concept of ritual sacrifice.  I'm still processing all that Leviticus means to me and how it affects my faith and my relationship with God.  In words, the idea that keeps coming to mind and weighing on my heart is "burden."  I mean, I read through the first 7 chapters and literally got up from each reading feeling heavy.  I felt weighed down and burdened by the amount of blood that had to be shed just for the atonement of the priest, not to mention all the Jews who also had to sacrifice for their sins.  I started to think about my own life, my own sins, and what I would have to sacrifice were I living during that time.  How much blood would I have to offer for myself and my family?  It's too much!  How can anyone live under that burden?  How can anyone exist knowing that what you offer will never be enough, will never satisfy the burden of sin that is on your life and can never be fully atoned for?  It's just too much!


"You shall be holy therefore, for I am holy."


And yet God's standard is the same.  For all of us.  Be holy.


You might recognize Romans 3:23, "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God"


It's a verse that makes it clear - none of us has met the standard God has set for us.  None of us are perfect.


Maybe less recognized, but all the more important, are verses 24 and 25:

"and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood..."

If there is one thing I come away from reading Leviticus with, it's an even greater appreciation for my salvation.  Christ, a perfectly sinless man, died a cruel death on a Roman cross, so that through the shedding of His blood, we who are sinners - who have no hope and would otherwise be "dead in our trespasses" - can be justified and redeemed.  In light of that, how can we do anything but praise Jesus for His sacrifice and tell others about this incredible gift we've received?


"O, praise the One who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead!"

Overwhelmed

Overwhelmed - "to overcome completely in mind or feeling"
Burdened - "that which is borne with difficulty"


I feel overwhelmed and burdened lately.  It has been steadily growing in my heart.  It literally has been weighing on me, so much so that my countenance has been affected.


There's a problem with this world that I've recently had my eyes opened to.  I had heard of it but it had not really been on my list of priorities.  I had not been that concerned about it but it is urgent nonetheless.


Poverty.
Hunger.
Disease.
Death.


These things are running rampant across our planet.  In countries all over the world, millions and millions of people are dying because they are malnourished or because of preventable disease.  Millions of people don't have access to clean drinking water or a steady food supply.  Orphans are heading households full of other orphans because all of their parents have died with HIV/AIDS.


I won't get into the actual data, but just believe me - the situation in places around the world is so terrible that it's unbelievable, unfathomable, inexpressible.  Google it.  It will blow your mind at how staggering the problem is.


This burden I feel that the Lord has laid on my heart has two parts:


First, how many of these people could we feed?  Or clothe?  Or provide medicine for?  It seems like we're so caught up in the materialism of this world that we have forgotten the "least of these."  It seems like we're so wrapped up in being entertained by sports or music or movies or books that we've turned a blind eye to the real issues that are worth caring about.

"And the King will answer them, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.'" Matthew 25:40

"Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this:  to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world."  James 1:27

Are we (the Church) taking care of widows and orphans?  Are we providing for the "least of these"?  Are we "unstained from the world"?


Second (but most certainly foremost), how many of these people who are dying every day know the saving power of Jesus Christ?  How many of them have even heard the Gospel because we loved them enough to take it to them?

"And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, 'Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?'  Then I said, 'Here am I!  Send me.'"  Isaiah 6:8

"Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.  And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age."  Matthew 28:19-20

We are all called to take the Gospel to the nations.  We must.  The situation is too desperate to not go.  The command of our Lord Jesus Christ is just that - a command.  There is no option.  In the words of David Platt, "We are the plan of God, and there is no plan B."


How many people will die without Christ while we (myself included) continue to live in disobedience to His command?

Questions

Have you read or heard the account of Jesus feeding the 4000?  Not the 5000, the 4000.  It's not one that I've read in a while, but that was part of my reading this morning.  Here's the beginning part:

"Then Jesus called His disciples to Him and said, 'I have compassion on the crowd because they have been with me now three days and have nothing to eat.  And I am unwilling to send them away hungry, lest they faint on the way.'  And the disciples said to him, 'Where are we going to get enough bread in such a desolate place to feed so great a crowd?'"  Matthew 15:32-33

The question that the disciples ask is sticking with me today.  Like an itch I can't scratch.  In a good way.


I wrote in my Bible as I was reading - "had they not seen the 5000 fed?" - and I literally wonder about that very thing.  Just a few chapters ago, Matthew wrote down the account of Jesus feeding the 5000.  Which is interesting because if the disciples questioned Jesus then, and they did, then their questions were more than answered.  5000 people (women and children not included) were fed.  12 baskets full of food was left over!  Jesus provides for His people.  Case closed.  But then 4000 people (women and children not included) come along and what's the first thing the disciples say to Jesus?


"Jesus, we know you can meet this need!  We've seen it!"
"Pssh!  4000 people!  That's nothing!  My Jesus fed 5000 people last week - this is child's play!"
"Jesus, we collected food from everyone.  It's only 7 loaves and some fish, but we know you can multiply it.  Will you bless the food so we can feed these people?"


They didn't say any of these things.  They questioned.  They showed their lack of faith - yet again - that Jesus would accomplish the impossible.  "Where are we going to get enough bread in such a desolate place to feed so great a crowd?"  I can almost hear the whining.  Jesus has proved Himself time and time again to be a faithful, trustworthy provider.  And the disciples still hadn't learned the lesson.  They still questioned Him.


Here's the thing, though.  The reason this question bothers me so much, I think, is because it reminds me of...well...me.  I see it in myself all the time.  I see (and hear) myself questioning God and not putting the whole of my trust in Him.  I whine about my circumstances and forget that all along the way God has provided me with more blessing than I could ever deserve.  He's proved Himself a faithful, trustworthy provider time and again and yet I still question Him.  I still show my lack of faith.


I think about that account and I know how I would have responded to the disciples' question.  "Um.  I'm Jesus.  I just fed 5000 people with three loaves and two fish.  Oh, and after that I healed some people and did other miracles.  I think I can handle 4000."  But He didn't respond that way, did He?  He took the bread and fish, prayed thanks to God for them, and fed the 4000.  And again, Jesus proves His provision.  He proves His faithfulness, in spite of the faithlessness of the disciples.


It's the same in my life.  And yours.  He continues to prove His faithful, trustworthy provision time and time again - in spite of how faithless we can be.  Isn't it about time we trusted Him?

Bipolar

Long story short, I had a student in one of my classes get into trouble with me and the explanation they gave to administration for why they shouldn't get punished was:  "He's bipolar."  Ha!  I've never heard that excuse before, but at least it's creative...


That excuse got me thinking about some things, though.  It made me really reflect on my life, even consider whether I was actually bipolar or not.  And you know what I've concluded?


I am.


No, I don't mean in the clinical, "characteristic cycles of depression and elation" kind of way.   But I do think there are definitely two forces inside of me that battle on a daily basis.  There are two poles to which I feel pulled and it's a constant struggle for me to deal with them.  I read a passage like Romans 7:15-25 and I completely understand what Paul is going through:

"For I do not understand my own actions.  For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.  Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good.  So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.  For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh.  For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.  For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.  Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.  So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand.  For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members.  Wretched man that I am!  Who will deliver me from this body of death?  Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!  So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin."

I read that and I get the feeling that Paul literally sounds like a crazy person!  And then I think, "Me, too!"  Paul has perfectly captured in words the battle, the war that we all wage as believers.  I hope that you read a passage like that and you feel the same feeling resonating inside of you.  We struggle!  It's true.  Why not admit it?  Why not be honest about where we are in life instead of just pretending that everything's okay and telling everyone that we have it all together.  That's the furthest thing from the truth than anything I've heard in a long time.


Does that mean that we relish the fact that we're sinners?  That we just keep on sinning because, "I've already messed up this much.  What's one more sin?"  No, not by any means!  Paul even addresses that very issue in a previous chapter of Romans (6:1-4).  I do think, though, that we should be honest with people about sin in our lives and be the first to admit when we struggle with things.


I love what our pastor talked about in church this morning, too.  He talked about confession and how having good Christian accountability can do so much for a person.  That means admitting that you struggle with (insert sin here) and letting someone help you in that struggle.  That means holding other people accountable as well.  There's just no need to pretend anymore.  There's no point to playing this game that we all get caught up in, the game that says, "It's all those other people who are struggling with sin - I'm okay." or "My sin's not as bad as that guy's." or "No one will understand.  My sin is so much worse than everyone else."


Remember, Christ didn't come to save the people who have it all together.  He came to save the sinners.  He came to seek out the lost - and believe me, without Him we're all lost.


This whole world's full of crazy, bipolar people...and Jesus is the only one with the cure.

Exams

At the school where I teach, this week is exam week.  It's that special time during the school year that only comes around once every 9 weeks. The students are all restless with anticipation and (just to show how excited they are) they all spend weeks preparing for them - studying all the notes that they've so painstakingly written, pouring over practice problems that they've made up in their spare time to help with the preparation, and even forming impromptu study groups in the cafeteria while they munch on healthy food choices.


Who am I kidding?  Do you really think that my students eagerly anticipate taking their exams?  No way!  I feel lucky if they even remember that they have an exam, much less study for it adequately enough to perform well.  I mean, I have literally heard a kid walk into class and say out loud, "We have an exam in here?"


So this morning, as I was thinking about the day ahead of me and all that it entailed, I remembered something that I tell my kids all the time - but especially when a big test or exam is coming up:  Don't wait until the last minute to study!


Now, why do I say that?  I say it because when they wait until the last minute all kinds of bad things can happen.  They could find that they've lost their notes and have nothing to study.  Or they could not remember how to work a problem (even though we've worked it in class together many times).  Maybe they get themselves confused on a concept and then don't have time to come ask for help.  Ultimately (and we all know this because we've been there a time or two), bad things usually happen when we wait until the last minute to get it done.  And what is the end result of waiting to cram the night before a test or exam?  Failure.


I know it's terrible to think about those kids failing a test or exam, but we do it to ourselves as well, don't we?  What do you do when you're tempted to sin?  Where do you go for guidance in resisting the devil?  To Whom do you turn when you've given in and feel overcome with guilt?  You see, why is it that I can shake my head in disappointment at my kids who all wait until the last minute to study for their test, yet I do the same exact thing in my own life?


Why do we wait until we are in the middle of temptation to pray and consult God's Word?  Why do we wait until temptation has nearly overtaken us to go running to the Father for help in our time of need?  Just like waiting until the night before the exam, if you don't take the time to prepare for the test well in advance of it, you will fail.


I think that very same phrase from earlier can apply to us as well.  Don't wait until the last minute to study.  Here's what the Bible has to say about it:

"I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you."        Psalm 119:11

God knows us just like I know my students.  He knows we end up waiting until the very last minute to ask for help, but that's the most difficult time to remember that he has made a way out of our temptation.  When we are caught in the midst of temptation, it seems the last thing we think of is asking God for help.  But what happens if we've been storing His Word away in our hearts the whole time?  It just flows out, naturally, from frequency of use, and then the temptation becomes easier to run away from.  Jesus modeled it for us himself.  What did He do when faced with the temptation of the devil?  He quoted scripture.  What should we do when faced with temptation?  Quote scripture.


Of course, that means we have to have it hidden in our hearts in the first place.


Just a reminder for us all today - don't wait until the last minute to study.