I AM

I don't know about you, but lately the stresses of life have really been weighing on me. So much so, that even my quiet time has suffered. Honestly, for the last couple of weeks my mornings have been dry, weary, and...well, work. I have felt like I was trudging along trying to stay consistent but not seeing any results. To be completely honest, at times I've felt discouraged in my walk with God, almost to the point of giving up...almost.


Ever been there?


But I choose to stay faithful, even if I do feel a bit discouraged, because God calls me to be faithful regardless of how I feel, or how busy I am or anything else.


All that said, I was reading in Matthew 14 and I am so thankful for my faithfulness because God showed me something that I had never seen before. He made clearer a passage that I thought I had understood reasonably well. It's the passage where Jesus walks on water. To give a little bit of context, right before this event Jesus feeds the 5000 and then goes up on the mountain for some alone time and prayer. Then He decides to come down and walks on the water to the disciples who have gone on ahead in the boat. They're terrified, because a storm has begun and they're thinking they see a ghost, but Jesus says something curious to them in verse 27:

"But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, 'Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.'"

The Holy Spirit just grabbed my attention there. "It is I" is a weird phrasing and all the other versions say the same thing, so I did some digging to find out exactly what Jesus was saying.


What I found was like discovering high definition television for the first time after a lifetime of silent black and white films.


Here's another translation:

"Have courage; I AM. Don't be afraid."

The surface-level meaning ("It's me.") is literally Jesus identifying Himself. Beneath that however, the implication of Jesus' words is clear. The disciples understood it. Peter certainly understood it.


I AM.


Jesus didn't casually say to His disciples, "Hey guys, remember me? It's Jesus. We've been hanging out for a while now. There's no need to be afraid!" That really wouldn't have calmed anyone down. Though he was identifying himself, Jesus was also (not so subtly) saying, "I AM Yahweh, God over creation and God over you. In me all things find their being, even the wind and the waves. You have no reason whatsoever to fear."


Seen in this light, it easily explains why the disciples were so quickly calmed of their fears. Or why Peter so quickly believed he could walk on water if Jesus asked him to do so. Or why they respond at the end of this whole story by worshiping Jesus, saying "truly you are the Son of God." They knew that He was in control and they were reminded that they could trust Him.



Jesus says the same thing to us that He said to the disciples and it's so comforting.



In life...and in death - I AM.
In joy...and in sorrow - I AM.
In success...and in failure - I AM.


But it's also incredibly convicting.


When the storms of life are bearing down on you, who do you put your trust in?
When the past is haunting you or the future seems uncertain, who do you put your faith in?


Do you trust other people? They will eventually disappoint you.
Do you have faith in yourself and your own strength? You will eventually fail.


But God never fails or disappoints.
He shows up, time and again, stepping over all of our junk, and whispers ever so gently in our ears,


I AM.
It is finished.
Trust in me.


And so I rest in that truth. I know that in the good and in the bad (from my perspective) is still what's best for me from God's perspective. Does it mean that I understand it all? No. Does it mean things don't hurt? No. It simply means that I'm part of something greater than myself. It means that I follow a God who is bigger than my circumstances and sees farther than my perspective. He is worthy of my trust and my faith and my worship.