Confession

My mom was raised Catholic and one of the traditions of the Catholic church is to go to confession.  The priest gives you some task to do to make up for the sins that you confessed and you move on - never to do those sins again!

I grew up in several churches, but in one specifically where confession was encouraged as a part of daily walking with the Lord.  This wasn't because it was intended to make us better or less sinful.  Rather, I understood it to be more of a 'getting things off your chest' kind of thing.  Call me crazy, but confessing to things I have done makes me feel better!

I have gotten out of the habit of that because recent churches I have attended have not so much down-played the idea of confession, but just haven't pushed it.  They focus a lot more on getting people to have a relationship at all with God.  And to be honest, listing out the sins you've committed - even to God - is a hard thing to do because it makes them real.  But, then I read in Acts this morning:

"So I always take pains to have a clear conscience toward both God and man." ~ Acts 24:16

Wow, Paul, why did you have to go and do that?  I was doing just fine, pretending like my sin wasn't that bad because I haven't murdered anyone, and then you go and say something like that.

I know he wasn't perfect, but Paul is definitely one of the Christians that I look up to.  And if he is saying that he tries to confess his sin and keep right relationship with God and man, then I think I want to follow suit.  Tough times ahead...

Sanctified

I believe that the Bible is very clear about God's nature - specifically what His priorities are.  One of God's top priorities, if not His #1 priority, is to bring glory to Himself.  If someone says that about me, that's a terrible thing.  But with God, it's a terrible thing if we can't say that about Him.

Anyway, since that is such a huge priority on God's list, probably one of our highest priorities should in turn be to bring glory to God.  It's what we were made for, the Baptist catechism would say it is "the chief end of man."  I have really thought about that for a long time because it is really hard for me to get my head around the idea of glorifying someone more than me - I go to S.A. (Sinner's Anonymous - meeting on Sunday mornings at a church near you!) to deal with it.

As if that weren't a hard enough thing for me, I stumbled across a verse in Leviticus 10 that really has been eating at me and making me come back to my priorities and look hard at what I do with my attentions and affections.

"Then Moses said to Aaron, 'This is what the Lord has said, "Among those who are near me I will be sanctified, and before all the people I will be glorified."'  And Aaron held his place."

What?  You mean regular people who aren't Christians are glorifying God?  Yes.  All of His creation shouts His glory just by existing and being His creation.  So, that is something that I still  need to seek with my life.

But what really made me stop and think was "Among those who are near me I will be sanctified."  That brings all kinds of thoughts to my mind, but the biggest one of all is that because I am a Christian, because I know the incredible qualities of God, because I am near to Him, I need to be sanctifying God with my life.

Now, I wasn't sure what sanctify meant.  I had a general idea, but I looked it up to be sure.

"to set apart, to make holy"

I'm not saying that I can make God more holy by doing something, but where is my focus?  Am I seeking to set Him apart in my life, to lift Him up to the place He deserves?  Or do I put myself on a pedestal and set myself apart as special?  Am I seeing God as holy, worthy of praise, deserving of glory?  Or do I treat Him like a parent or grandparent who is supposed to praise me when I do something good?

I have this whole new mindset now.

You Lead, I'll Follow

I love knowledge.  Plain and simple, knowing things and learning things is fun to me, and so I love knowledge.  Maybe I'm a transplant from the Enlightenment era...Anyway, I have been thinking a lot lately about what to do with my future.  I've earned my undergraduate degree in mathematics, but I want to get a Master's and possibly even a Doctorate.  The problem is, I have no idea what those should be in.  Long story short, I was playing the proverbial violin and singing my sad sad song to Beth, and she piped right up to say something that, to be honest, I really didn't want to hear (it works that way too often!).  She said, "Don't you say all the time that we need to grow where we're planted?"

Grr...I hate when she's right!  Especially quoting me!!

All that to say, truth is hard to hear sometimes, and Beth is really good at smashing my violin, slapping me in the face with it, and making me wake up from my self-pitying world - which I would say is a good thing all the time.

Then, as if that weren't enough, God does the same thing this morning (when do I get pity, again?).

In Exodus 40:34-38, Moses is describing the method of travel for the Israelites as they are moving closer to the Promised Land.  I always knew they had the cloud of smoke by day and the pillar of fire by night, but I never saw this,

"Throughout all their journeys, whenever the clooud was taken up from over the tabernacle, the people of Israel would set out.  But if the cloud was not taken up , then they did not set out till the day that it was taken up."

Not only are they following wherever God leads them to go, but they are waiting when He stops.  And in the mean time, while they are waiting they are worshipping.  From what I understand, this is the point when Israel begins corporate worship; so they move forward when God says more forward, and they wait and worship when He says wait.  I'm pretty sure that God is telling me I should be patiently waiting on Him to move forward with this Masters, even with what it will be when I get it.  I think He's even telling me that I should be patiently waiting on Him anyway, worshipping and growing where I am, instead of trying to run ahead of Him.

Lesson learned, God!  I get it!!

Serves me right for getting that violin out...

Trust

I was reading an acquaintances blog in which they talked about all the things they are doing to save money and worries about a second job to make ends meet, and I realized how fortunate we are to be in the position we are in, especially with the economy the way it is.  We budget and plan how much we will spend each week, trying to stay within a certain amount, but we don't really have to pinch pennies.  We save quite a bit each month and life comfortably within our means - and I don't really ever take the time to appreciate that gift.  God has really blessed us and all I can manage to do is find ways to be unhappy and ungrateful about it.  What a sad thing for me to realize about myself!

...

As I was sitting here typing and thinking out loud a little bit, I realized that I was about to make an entire post of complaints.  Things in my life that I wish were different, things I wish were better, things that I don't like about myself or others...negative, negative, negative.  It reminds me of a re-write of an old hymn that I learned once,

"Gripe and complain, gripe and complain, why be happy in Jesus? when you can gripe and complain!!"

I know, it's stupid.  But it reminds me of an important truth.  I am called to live my life in a way that glorifies my Father, and the only thing that I do by complaining all the time - even if no one hears it (you know, the tree in the woods...) - is show the people around me that I think my God isn't big enough, isn't capable enough of meeting my needs.

The truth is though, He is SO big!  He is SO capable!!  Why is it so hard for me to truly trust Him with the life that He gave me in the first place?  I'm not even guaranteed the next breath I breathe, so why am I wasting them on complaints?

No Inhibitions

I was reading this morning in Psalm 12 and the Psalmist is asking the Lord for comfort and encouragement because he feels like he is the only faithful one left out there doing the work of the Lord (similar to Elijah or Ezekiel, I think?).

Anyway, contrast that with Acts 4 (which I was also reading) and it is the story of Peter and John before the Sanhedrin for healing and speaking in the name of Jesus.  The thing that struck me the most about this chapter in Acts was that when told to stop preaching in the name of Jesus, Peter answers,

"Judge for yourselves whether it is right in God's sight to obey you rather than God, for we cannot help speaking about what we have seen and heard."

Why is it easy to get me to shut my mouth about things I have seen and heard in my walk with the Lord?  Why am I not more bold about my faith?  I have faith.  I learn new things about the Lord and I try to apply them to my life.  Some days are better than most, but I'm praying for the courage to be bold because there is no excuse for me in my safe little world to not be bold about the faith I have, about the lessons I'm learning, about the magnificent God that I serve!

Long Time, No Blog

Incredible how long I can go with out updating this thing.  I have so much that I would write if I could only find the discipline to do so.  To some degree I would much rather sit down and spend quality time with the people who read this, or go share real life with people who are new and old...I agree with Beth on this one - it's great to update these things for the people who are far away and can't spend that much time with me and for the people who just want to know what's going on since yesterday - but at the same time I need to make a better effort to spend face-to-face time with the people I care about and invest in their lives in the here and now.

Anyway, I really just got on here because I was reading in Exodus about the crossing of the Red Sea and I saw a verse I hadn't seen before.

"And Moses said to the people, 'Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the Lord, which He will work for you today.  For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall never see again.  The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent." ~ Exodus 14:13-14

How many times has my mouth gotten in the way of the Lord fighting for me?

Shock and Awe

I cannot tell you how freaked out I was when my alarm went off.

Besides the fact that I was having a weird dream, I quickly realized that I had not been woken in the middle of the night! Yay for Isabella sleeping!!

I went into her room just to check on her, and she was so still I thought she had died, so I put my hand on her head - she twitched a little and slept away. This is not the first time I have gotten up with my alarm without being woken in the middle of the night, but it is the first time I got up and she was still asleep. The other two times she woke up right around the same time as my alarm.

So, that said, I'm completely excited about her 7 week birthday today and the fact that she basically slept through the night!

Finally!

I can't tell you what a relief it was to finally go back to church on Sunday.  Beth's mom came in town to visit - it had been 2 weeks, I think she was in withdrawal - and Sunday morning she watched Isabella so we could go worship.  Wow~!  If you ever want to appreciate your local church, miss for 5 weeks and then come back!!  We both loved it.

Pastor Rob was speaking on being relationally healthy, and he really makes you think about the priorities in your life.  I mean if mine were where they are supposed to be, what would my life look like right now?  My Bible wouldn't sit in the same spot - EVER.  My walk would never be lukewarm.  Some of my friendships would be closer, some further apart.  That's the problem with going to a church where the pastor challenges your growth - conviction.  I hope I never go to a church where I'm not convicted about something in my life when I leave to go home.

Rob quoted someone, no idea who, but he really got me with this - "We only love Jesus as much as we love the person we love the least."  AH!  What am I doing with my love?  Am I showing Jesus that I love people with the same reckless abandon that He loves them with?  How much do I really love Jesus then?

Resolved:  I will love Jesus with my whole life - not just when others are looking.

Resolved:  I will love people with my whole life - not just when it's convenient.

Resolved:  I will live for Jesus with my whole life - not just my Sunday mornings.

Resolved:  I will serve all people with my whole life - not just when it looks good or it's the people I like being around.

"Come and listen, come to the water's edge, all you who know and fear the Lord.  Come and listen, come to the water's edge all you who are thirsty, come." ~DCB

How To Have A Stress-Free Sunday

We just moved for the second time in the year we have been married, yesterday.  While the move was incredibly swift, thanks in large part to an enormous effort by our parents and relatives, it was a little bit stressful because I always worry that Beth will do too much while she is still pregnant.  On top of that, it would not have been very good timing for her to go into labor during the middle of our move.  Thank the Lord she didn't!

I have to say, though, the move was a blessing.  We have the opportunity to continue ministering to the Freshman girls here at MC, we moved to a larger apartment with room for our little girl (still awaiting arrival!), and little details just kept falling into place that we had not planned at all.  I'm quoting my wife here, but God really taught us that His timing is best this weekend.  We saw so many things happen that would not have happened without Him.  For example, we bought carpet remnants for the tile floors of our new apartment, knowing in advance that it wouldn't be a perfect fit, but planning to just make the best of it anyway.  The carpet ended up fitting as perfectly as if professionals had installed it.

We had a few complaints about the new place, (the A/C is not on, the hot water is not on, and the washer and dryer are not hooked up yet) but overall it is just a precious reminder of the grace of God and how He takes care of His children.  I love that the Lord loves details!

Today, we went to church and enjoyed wonderful worship and listened to awesome truth from God's word.  For me though, and I think all the rest of my family would agree, it was quite a tough thing to do.  At one point I couldn't stop the tears because we knew there would be an announcement about our Worship Pastor following a call to Dallas.  I know that God is sovereign and I know that He is more in control than I ever can be, but it is still hard for a man that we have grown to love to leave us.

Would I have enjoyed this Sunday more without that news?  With A/C, hot water, clean clothes?  Yes, I would.  But would I have learned as much about how God handles the details?  Would I have appreciated who He is and what He's about?  Not as much.  I know now that I would gladly take a Sunday full of stresses for that crucial lesson.

LGLP (Matthew 22:37-39)

Why is the mentality of today's society something along the lines of, "You have to help me because ... you're rich and I'm poor, you're smart and I'm dumb, you're healthy and I'm sick, you're a teacher and I'm a student ... " ???

Does the thought ever run through your head, "Why don't you help yourself?"

I am coming to a realization - an epiphany of sorts.  I don't have to help someone who refuses to help themselves!

I know, I know, you think I have forgotten about Jesus' command to us as believers that we should follow the example of the Samaritan and broaden our view of not only what it means to help someone, but what our definition of 'neighbor' is.  I get that.  I help the helpless.  One of my favorite past-times my senior year of college was going to downtown Jackson and giving out food and toiletries to homeless guys.  My problem is not with helping people who truly have a need, who desperately need someone to come show them the love of Christ and give them a sandwich on the side...

My problem is with the bum on the street corner who yells at me because I don't have any money to give him.  If a kid with Down Syndrome can get a job at McAlister's, I think a guy in a wheelchair has a sporting chance of holding down a job somewhere.

My problem is with the student in my classroom who sleeps or talks or doesn't pay attention in general EVERY DAY, and then expects me to jump to help them prepare for a test.  How is it fair to give up the time I could spend with a legitimate student who has questions for the kid who didn't even bother to listen to me the first time?

I know I'm not perfect.  I know I must love my neighbor - and I want to.  I know I am called to serve others in any way I can.  I do that, very imperfectly, but I do that.  When will people wake up and see that there are more people in the world than themselves?  When will students desire to be educated, instead of expect answers to be given to them?

Proverbs 4:1 - "Listen, my sons, to a father's instruction; pay attention and gain understanding."

P.S. - We're having a little girl, and her name is going to be Abigail Isabella.  I'm so excited!