Running Late

What is the worst thing a person could say to you? How would you feel afterward?

I don't know if I've found it, but today I got at least a taste of what that might feel like.

Now that Isabella is full-swing into preschool (don't tell her that, you must refer to it as 'school') our morning routine includes getting up, seeing Mommy off to her school, eating breakfast, getting dressed, and then heading off to Isabella's school before Daddy heads to school himself. We like learning, what can I say?

Anyway, Friday as we were getting ready I looked at the clock and I realized that we were incredibly behind. We had more things left to do than time left to do them. That's not good, and for a person like myself who...strongly prefers punctuality, that's a really not good thing. So, I started rushing. Herein lies the problem. Isabella has recently begun this "do it by myself" phase, which is great, except when she's slowly doing it by herself and we're running late. Then I start to stress out and panic and urge and push and prod and...

You get the picture.

So, I asked her to put on her shoes and socks (read: shoe yourself as fast as humanly possible) and she sat down to take care of that "all by myself" (read: as slowly as humanly possible). I'm freaking out. This is not good. We're going to be late. I'm going to look like a bad parent because I can't get my child to school on time and a bad student because I can't get myself to school on time. Not good. At all.

These thoughts lead me to do the only logical thing - take the shoes and do it for her.

Bad decision. Not logical at all. Cue tears and total meltdown.

I tried to calm her down - to no avail. I tried to reason with her - fruitless. I finally just said, "Baby, look at my face. Do I look mad at you?" She said no. I said, "Then, why are you so upset."

And in this way, the most heart-wrenching and hurtful words I've heard in a long time came out of my daughter's mouth. Tears running down her face, she said to me:

"...because I'm mad at you, Daddy."

I cannot express the hurt that a statement like that can bring to a parent, especially when you know it's your fault in the first place. The last thing that I want to do is hurt my child. Yet, while I know there is merit to her anger toward me - she needs opportunities to grow and do things on her own - I really was just trying to help. I even heard myself saying as I tried to calm her down, "I'm not trying to hurt you. Just let me do it for you. I know a better way."

Even still, in the midst of all of that, I couldn't help but think all day about what it must be like for God, to hear from His children, "I'm mad at you."

We only see a glimpse of this as parents, as we watch our children begin to grow in independence and become the person that God has made them to be. But God sees each situation so much more clearly than we do. I'm not thinking of those moments where we know there is nothing we can do and we must depend on God to handle it (even if it's the last, begrudging thing we do). I'm thinking of those days when we know we ought to trust God to take care of things, but we have the means to do it ourselves and so we do it our way instead. God sees those moments and He looks at us and says, "Just trust me. I know a better way."

And sometimes, maybe even all the time, we get so upset and frustrated and...well, mad because we know how to solve the problem and we want to do it "all by myself," and God knowing better just gets in the way of our plans.

Or does it?

No. It doesn't. I'm coming to realize more each day that God knowing better doesn't get in the way of my plans at all. It gets in the way of my pride.

And that hurts. As God does the things that are best for us, things that may not even be in our own plans for our lives, sometimes it will hurt. I'm reminded of a sculptor, chiseling away at all the extra stone to reveal the expertly crafted masterpiece inside. It hurts, but it is so good for us in the end because it teaches us to rely, not on our own wisdom and ability, but on the infinite wisdom and ability of God.

There will inevitably be times when Isabella is mad at me because she wants to be independent but, due to the situation, she must depend on my limited wisdom and ability (I'm thinking of things like driving and dating). Of course I won't parent perfectly and there will be many times when I rely on myself for the strength to do that - and I will fail miserably.

But the same can be said for all of us in our relationship with God. We want to be independent and self-governing, but God made us to be dependent upon Him and governed by Him. We want to worship ourselves and our strength, but God made us to worship Him alone. Because of this, we are tempted every day to grow angry with God because, ultimately, He knows the better way and to trust Him in that is to put to death our pride and our plans for the sake of His glory in our lives.

It hurts me deeply to hear Isabella tell me that she is mad at me, and I'm sure it won't be the last time either. But, imagine how much more so it is with God.

You didn't get the job you prayed for. "I'm mad at you, God."
Your financial situation gets worse instead of better. "It's your fault, God."
You lose a precious family member to death. "Why would you do this to me, God?"

There are so many things that we could get mad at God about, and yet it is unfounded and ill-informed because we cannot always see or know the purpose that He has for us in a situation. His ways are higher than our ways, His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. Sometimes we get so lost in the details of a situation that we lose sight of the bigger picture - that God has a plan for us and that His plan is to glorify Himself in all things.

Maybe this is just review for you. Good - be encouraged.
But maybe it's deeper than that. Maybe God is saying to you, right now,

"Trust me. I know a better way."

---

That you might know Christ,

Revelation 5

"And they sang a new song, saying, 'Worthy are You to take the book and to break its seals; for You were slain, and purchased for God with your blood men from every tribe and tongue and people and nation'...'Worthy is the Lamb that was slain to receive power and riches and wisdom and might and honor and glory and blessing'...'To Him who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb, be blessing and honor and glory and dominion forever and ever'...And the elders fell down and worshiped." :: Revelation 5:9,12,13,14

To someone reading this chapter, I can imagine one question (among many) that they might have would be, "Who is this 'Lamb' and why does everyone in heaven bow down and worship him?"

A valid question. With an amazing answer. This Lamb is the very Son of God, who lived a perfect life and died a cruel death to pay the penalty that God requires for the sins that each of us commit against Him. He died to bring us back into right relationship with God. He died to re-order our worship - from self and stuff-centered to God-centered.

It doesn't matter who you are or what you've done, at the end of time you will join the rest of creation, on your face before the throne of heaven, in worship of the Lamb who was slain to take away the sins of the world.

The question is, will you do so willingly?

Will you be gratefully rejoicing because of your love for the Savior and the price that He paid on your behalf?

Or will you be forced to your knees in submission to the God that you refused to acknowledge your whole life?

The choice is yours.

---

That you might know Christ,

After

I love the moment after it rains. The sky is crystal clear. The ground and trees and buildings all look newly washed and clean. The animals come out and resume their chirping and chittering. It is the perfect reminder that even though this world is so broken by sin, God is still making all things new. No matter the storms that we face in this life - whether persecution and suffering from others or the self-inflicted wounds of guilt and shame at our own failures - God is still sustaining and restoring us as we walk through life with Him.

This afternoon it occurred to me, however, that it doesn't always stay that way. Pretty soon the clouds roll away and the sun comes back out. It gets hot and steamy. You can almost feel the air sticking to your face and you can practically taste it on your tongue. Before long, aside from the occasional puddle (that probably annoys you more than it reminds you), you've forgotten that the rain even came. Life resumes its normalcy.

Until the next storm. Perhaps this one is worse than the last. Maybe it's the same or not so bad. Regardless, the rain still comes. The wind still blows. It seems there is no reality other than the constant downpour of water on your roof, dark skies overhead, and a sort of melancholy that the storm conveniently brought along to weigh you down and weary you to the very soul.

Yet, without fail, the storm passes and that moment, the one I almost seem to live for, the one just after the storm when everything seems so new again - that moment comes. And again I am reminded of just how perfectly God protects and sustains His creation. Again I relish the thought of the new heaven and earth that will one day come. And I rest, comforted in these thoughts.

Even still, almost in spite of the comfort that I feel in those moments after the storm, I know it cannot remain. I cannot live in that moment, nor can I live for that moment. Life doesn't work that way, does it? There are many moments spent before the storm even comes. We laugh and cry, we get stressed out and upset, and life happens. Of course there are times during the storm as well. We get frustrated as we sit in traffic, surrounded by drivers who appear to have forgotten how to function as soon as the first rain drop hits their windshield. We get terrified, huddled in the basement of our house, praying it will still be there when the storm passes. Life does not remain in those moments after the rain.

I think that sometimes I live out my faith like that. Maybe all the time, I don't know. I mean, when life is going along well and all the pieces are falling into place, I don't give a thought to the storms that will inevitably cross my path. Sometimes I almost live like temptation and trials are just things that happen to other people, something I might read about in the news. And, when those things do come my way, I either react like it's just one more annoying detail I've got to deal with or I freak out like I'm the only person in the history of the world to experience this.

But we all face storms in our faith, don't we? You see, what occurred to me in realizing that the moment after the rain isn't permanent is that all of those other moments before and during the storm are just as important. Sure, after coming through trials, we experience comfort and peace. We truly get a moment to rest as the God of all comfort wraps us up in His loving arms and reminds us that He's been there, carrying us through, sustaining us as we faced that storm - not alone, but with the Almighty God standing right beside us.

Before the storm comes, though, what are we doing? Are we content just to let life roll on by, taking the storms as they come or even trying to pretend as though we won't be affected? Tragedy strikes us all. Difficult times cut us to the very core of our being. For the Christian, suffering and persecution is inevitable.

But, for the Christian, it should also be anticipated and welcomed.

We intimately learn about comfort in those moments after a storm. But before the storm, we should be intentionally learning the art of abiding in Christ. We should be purposefully learning how to trust our God who has never failed to be trustworthy. Why? Because in the midst of the storm, we don't act methodically. We act instinctually. We don't act proactively, but reactively. If our practice has been to rely on our own strength and our own understanding, then when we faces trials and temptations we will continue to rely on our strength and understanding.

The Bible is clear however that we must "trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." How much of your heart? All of it. So, if the end goal is to trust God in those situations where our gut reaction is to trust ourselves, then what needs to change?

Have you ever heard the phrase: "What's down in the well comes up in the bucket?"

If we constantly pour our own strength and understanding into normal life situations, what do you think is going to come up when you reach for that "bucket" during a storm?

We must be in the practice of constantly filling our hearts with the strength and understanding of God. How does that happen?

• Daily spending time in His Word. Peter says that God has given us everything we need for "life and godliness" through the Scriptures. How else can the Word get into our hearts unless we get into the Word?
• Daily spending time in prayer. Luke records that Jesus made a habit of prayer. How else can we submit to the will of the Father unless we offer up our own will to Him in prayer?

There are many more examples (worship and missions, to name two) but the point is this: be in the habit of filling your heart with the things of God before the storm because, whether you like it or not, the storm is coming. You can't live happily in the "after" forever.

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That you might know Christ,

To Be Or Not To Be...Content

Sunday our pastor continued working his way through 1 Timothy, specifically 6:3-10, and the main point he was making was that people will either try to use God for personal gain or they will be content simply to worship God. This started my wheels turning because it forced me to think about my own motives in pursuing a life of godliness. I started asking myself some questions, and honestly I think they are questions that we must all answer when it comes to God and our motives.

Am I trying by my own effort to earn a salvation that has already been freely given?

Am I trying to be more godly so that God will give me the things that I want?

Am I content simply to rest in the hope that I have in Christ, knowing that no matter what comes my way or crosses my path, God works for the good of those who love Him?

If I am not content, if there is always something more that I need to be happy, then what does that say about my walk with Christ and the authenticity of my faith?

If my identity is found in money and power, have I not forgotten that God owns it all anyway?

If my satisfaction is found in sex, have I not forgotten that there is no greater pleasure than to know God?

If my self-worth is found in knowledge, have I not forgotten the infinite depths of knowledge which belongs to God alone?

Maybe this whole montage of questions is just a means for me to think out loud a bit, to process what the Lord is teaching me through His Word and the men who are faithful to preach it week in and week out. But perhaps it is something that we all need to think through.

Each day when we wake up, what is the dominant thought in our minds? Is it all the things we have to do...or the disappointments we have felt...or even guilt because of our own sin and failure? Or are we confidently approaching the throne of grace to worship the only God who saves and sustains, who redeems and restores? I genuinely pray it is the latter. I also know myself and my own sin nature and I realize that we probably all wake up, more often than not, overwhelmed or defeated by the former.

And so I am purposing, I am setting my mind and heart, to pray each day:

Father, you are the Author of Life and the Hope of Salvation. You are Today, will You fill me with the contentment that can only be found in You. Today, in trial or comfort, success or failure, I will be content to know Christ and Him crucified. Today, rich or poor, happy or sad, I will be completely satisfied to rest in the hope that is Christ's blood shed for me and proclaim Your Gospel to the nations. Amen.

---

That you might know Christ,

Why We Obey

Here's something about parenting that you might not have realized:

The most heart-breaking thing about a child disobeying is not the first time they do it.

It's the second,

                         and the third,

                                               and the twentieth times.

Why is that?

Because every parent, deep down in their heart, hopes that after the first time their child gets in trouble for something then the child will permanently realize the error of their way and never commit another wrong the rest of their life.

If only it were that easy...

This seems like such a random topic to write about, but it's not coming from nowhere. It's coming from my few years of being a dad up to this point. Tonight, as I sat and talked with Isabella for what seemed like the hundredth (and most certainly not the last) time about disobedience, I found myself saying something to her that I think has been brewing inside of me for quite some time.

"What happens when we disobey?"
(sniff sniff) "A spanking..."
"So do we get a spanking if we obey?"
(sniff) "No."
"How do you show Daddy you love him?"
"Hugs and kisses."
"That's right. And we don't just obey to not get a spanking. When you obey Daddy, you're showing him that you love him. Does disobeying show Daddy love?"
"No."
"What's it show him?"
"Not love."

Every time I have a conversation with Isabella about something discipline related, especially disobedience, I feel like I'm having the same conversation with God - except in reverse. He's using parenting to convict and discipline me. Maybe I'm just late to the game, but it's finally settling deep in my heart that my obedience to God should not be from fear of punishment.

Could God choose to smite me at any moment? Yes. He is God and He has that option.

But God gives me chance after chance, even though I fail miserably time and again.

Why?

Because God loves His creation, especially His human creation. We are the only created thing with His very image stamped into us. As image-bearers of God, we were made to do one thing: worship. Ideally, sin excluded, we would all worship God. We would love Him as perfectly as we were made. Our relationship would be unbroken.

And God wants us to love Him back. He wants us to obey Him, not because He'll punish us if we don't but because we love Him more than anything else in this whole world, even ourselves. Just as much as He wants us to tell Him we love Him with our words, He wants our actions to reveal the same heart of love for our Father.

But sin messed all that up. Sin broke our relationship and distorted our love. Now, we seek to worship anything and everything we can get our hands on. We worship money, sex, and power. We worship people. Most of all, we worship ourselves.

Anything but God.

Sin caused that rift in us. "And it's a void only He can fill."

And so God filled it. In the form of a baby, fully God and fully man, born to walk this earth in perfect relationship with the Father, Jesus Christ did what we could never do. On a cruel, rugged cross, dying a death He did not deserve, stepping into punishment in our place, Jesus Christ made a way where there was no way.

Why?

Because God loves us. And He wants us to love Him in return. He wants us to live for Him, to serve Him, to worship Him as He rightly deserves.

Will we continue to mess up? Of course. But we will not be repentant primarily because we fear punishment, though that is a valid concern (just because we are God's children doesn't mean that He never disciplines us).

Rather, we repent with deep mourning over our sin because we understand the depth of the punishment that Christ took on our behalf and the disappointment and hurt that God feels, just as a parent does with a child, each time we choose to make something else more important that obeying, loving, and worshipping Him.

It's important that Isabella obeys us as her parents. We have her best in mind. We're trying to help her understand not just that she should obey, but why she should obey - out of love for us, and we hope one day out of love for her Heavenly Father.

It's even more important for us to obey God. He has our best in mind, too. Better than we could ever imagine. But perhaps it's just as important for us to remember not only that we are to obey God, but why we ought to obey Him.

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That you might know Christ,