Altogether

Wow.  This feels almost unfamiliar.  It's been too long since I wrote anything down.  Maybe it's like riding a bike - I just need to get going.

We came to my parents' house for the night, and this morning while sipping my coffee I got the chance to read some of my dad's journals from a time in his life when things were not easy (to say the least) - but he was still faithful to seek the Lord and God was still faithful in His promises to my dad.  It's an awesome picture of struggling with life, asking tough questions of God, and seeing Him answer those questions - even if the answers were not exactly what was hoped for.  It's encouraging to know that the man I most look up to as I journey through life (spiritually and otherwise) has had struggles and seen God prove Himself faithful time and again.

This morning I also spent some time reading in the Psalms, 139 to be exact.  Verse 4 stood out to me, and as I thought about it conviction started to set in...

"Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether."

I've read this verse before, and having read James as well, it is not a new lesson for me to think about taming my tongue and thinking before I speak.  But 'altogether' still sticks out to me.  I realized as I read that God knows what I'll say before I speak it, that's true.  What convicts me today is that God also knows the intentions behind my words before I say them.  I can lie to myself and mislead other people all day long, but at the end of the day God knows why I chose to say (or not say) what I did.

He knows that I didn't speak truth when I had perfect opportunity - because I was scared.

He knows that I said something judgementally - even though I claim "I'm just concerned."

It's a hard thing to face your intentions, the hidden meanings behind what you do and say.  It's even harder to admit it online where anyone can judge me.  That's okay, though.  I'm glad the Psalm doesn't end there.  David continues,

"Where shall I go from your Spirit?  Or where shall I flee from your presence? ... Search me, O God, and know my thoughts!  And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!" (vs. 7, 23-24)

I'm praying that same prayer - God search me out.  Know me altogether.  Continue to convict and encourage me through Your Word.  Continue to inspire me through the stories of other believers who are further down the road than myself.