A Grief Observed

"Jacob...it's B-Mom...she's gone..."

          "Jacob...Poppa Tom died..."

                    "Jacob...Marianne died in her sleep."

                              "Jacob...Memaw passed away this morning."

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Photo Courtesy: Alberto Lauretti

This morning I received the phone call that no one really wants to receive, that no one ever really seems prepared for. Even when a death is expected, it's still a shock. Ever since college I've been getting phone calls like that. I know deaths have happened in our family before then, but they never seemed personal until I was on my own and I had to deal with the news by myself.

There is always that dreadful, weighty, and interminable pause. You can almost sense that this phone call is different than all the others you've received before. There is always the attempt to break the news in a way that divulges information yet preserves the dignity of the individual and protects the emotions of the hearer. "Died" seems so harsh at times so we soften the blow with "we lost him," "she went to sleep," "they passed away," "he went home to be with Jesus." It all means the same thing, but somehow it makes things easier to swallow.

And what do you say in a moment like that? How do you respond? "I'm sorry" seems to be the most common thing that comes to mind, but it just never seems to cut it. "Ok" feels less than human and devoid of emotion. You certainly can't say, "Oh good!" - at least not out loud. Surely even the most awful people deserve a little sympathy......Right?

Then there is the flood of emotion. First come waves of grief that practically bring you to your knees in sorrow. No one looks forward to the death of a loved one. Subsequent waves of guilt and denial are soon to follow. In the case of an extended illness, perhaps even a bit of relief from the stressful role of caretaker sneaks its way into your mind.

This time, however, it's different. For me, the relative is not by blood but by marriage. At times I feel overwhelmed in the same flood of emotion for the loss of a loved one. I want to cling tightly to each member of my extended family to show them my love and support during this time of sadness. I want to be strong and brave for my wife, yet at the same time empathetic and gentle. But other times I feel almost like an outsider, looking in and observing the grieving process of a family that is not entirely my own. I feel the sharp pain of Memaw's death because she reminded me so much of my own grandmothers - each in their own way. But at the same time, there is not nearly so great a hole left in my heart as there is in Beth and her family. Blood ties more deeply than marriage.

Torn between feeling like both an insider and outsider, it has allowed me the opportunity to think about death from a new perspective. Before I just felt the emotions of grieving. Now I realize that while those emotions are a normal, natural, and healthy part of the process, I must move past those emotions to the question that everyone asks in the event of a death. What happens when you die? Is death the end? 

Death is not the end. Each time I experience loss I am reminded that there was one Man who died and didn't stay dead. He returned to life. He is Jesus Christ. He died the perfect, substitutionary death for all who would believe in Him as Lord and Savior. He made a way for life where there was no way but death. While we were dead in our sins, God made us alive in Christ.

Lois Tisdale: Daughter, Sister, Friend, Wife, Mother, Aunt, Memaw - you were so many things to so many people. You are loved and cherished. You are grieved and mourned by those who remain here on this earth, our temporary home. But we also rejoice in death because death has lost its sting! Death has lost its victory! While we may weep and groan, longing for heaven and home, mostly we are jealous. We are every bit of green with envy for you have gotten that sweet reward of a life lived faithfully in service and worship of the King of Kings. You have gotten to taste the riches of heaven and we must continue to wait. We remain here, if only for a little while, until physical death or the return of King Jesus calls us to our heavenly home. "Come, Lord Jesus!"

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That you might know Christ,

All?

Here at the seminary, we go to chapel twice a week. Some people might say that's too much, especially if you consider that most of us attending chapel are also involved in our local church and are probably in some form of worship setting four or more times a week. If you count ministry, serving, personal devotions, studying for classes - that's a lot of time with Jesus. I sometimes hear, "Don't you get burned out?"

No. I don't, actually. Not on time with Jesus. But that's a different topic for a different day.

However, for the past couple of weeks there has been a thought...idea...feeling impressed on me each time I've been in chapel or church.

Part of our worship is in song, and it is an awesome thing. A chorus of voices singing loud praises to our God and Savior. Sometimes I love just standing near the back and watching everyone join in the song, hands raised in the air, crying out in thanks and praise to God for sending His Son to save us, for making His Name known, for loving us the way that He does. As I watch, I thank God for all of it - a room filled with people who love Him, who are passionate about telling Him, and who are eager to tell others about Him as well. It is a wonderful reminder of the blessing it is to be in a community of believers. I find myself grinning ear to ear because of how thankful I am.

This past Thursday, one of the songs we sang was by Hillsong, by the name of "Cornerstone." Take a listen. I'll be here when you get back.

That song is beautifully written. The words guide us to reflect on the sacrifice made on our behalf, to remember that Christ is our anchor and worthy of our trust, and to praise Him. Our voices rose, chanting out, practically shouting out, "He is Lord, Lord of all!"

My heart felt as if it might burst with joy and thankfulness.

Even so, I had the weirdest sensation. Almost overcome with joy, I also felt my knees almost buckle under the weight of another emotion - sorrow. For the past couple of weeks this has been happening. Each time it happens, I almost feel like two people in the same body. It's very strange to have exactly opposite emotions flooding you at the same time.

See, as the shout rose up in joyful praise of our "Lord of all," I could not help but think,

"Not yet."

I know, in the broadest sense, that God is Lord over all of the earth. He is supreme and reigning and present. These things I know and love about God. But I also know that there are so many who do not believe in God or trust Jesus Christ to be their Savior and Lord. More overwhelming than that, there are millions upon millions who have never even heard this great news that we cherish - that Christ died so that we might live!

Reflect on that. Let it really soak in. As you praise the God that you have been so blessed to have the chance to know and worship, as you come together with other believers in a community that we so often take for granted, never forget the millions upon millions who do not praise because they have never even heard.

Live thankfully that you know the Lord of all.

But live urgently that all might know the Lord.

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That you might know Christ,

Radical

So I recently finished the book "Radical" by David Platt and let me just say to those of you who haven't read it - Go.  Now.  Don't delay.  Read it.  Did I mention now??


There's a catch, though.  A big one.


If you want to keep living your church-going, song-singing, comfortable-living, status-quo, "keeping up with the Jonses" lifestyle...well...this book is not for you.


BUT...


If you want to have your world completely rocked, if you want to be haunted by the message that it speaks to your heart, and if you want to radically change your life for the glory of God and the furthering of His kingdom then this book IS for you.


I can't put into words all of the thoughts that are going through my mind and heart about this book.  Specifically, I'm convicted that I am much more concerned with the things of this world than the things of God and - let me be honest here - that is NOT the picture God has for my life (or yours for that matter).  I spend way more time and money on food and books than caring for the widows and the orphans of this world.  And guess what?  There is not a single verse in the Bible that says it's okay for me to worry about the next book I buy or the next meal I eat.  However, James 1:27 makes it crystal clear as to what I should be concerned about:

"Religion that our God and Father accepts as pure and faultless is this:  to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

I don't know about you, but that doesn't leave much room for interpretation.  In fact, it seems to be exactly opposite of what I just described that my own priorities are looking like.  Go look at your own checkbook - what are you spending your time and money on?  Does your list of priorities seem just as backwards as my own?  Are you living a life that is "polluted by the world?"


And that's just one point that Platt brings up throughout the book.


Here's the long and short of it:  This is not meant to be a book review.  This is meant to be a challenge.  Go read the book.  More importantly, go read the book and come away changed, altered, distressed and disturbed.  The point is not for Platt to get the recognition for writing a good book and saying all of these things that are convicting and unsettling.  The point is that we should be convicted.  We should be unsettled.  We should be reminded of and called back to our first love - Jesus Christ - and we should align our lives with what Jesus actually said for our lives to look like, not what we're pretending Christianity is all about.


If you spent more time reading this than you have your Bible all week, there's an issue.
If you spent more time on facebook than sharing the gospel all week, there's an issue.


I'm not perfect and I certainly have just as much to work on as you do, probably more.  The reason I write all of this is not to make you feel bad and put myself up on a high horse casting judgment and condemnation down on everyone else.  The reason I write all of this is because I want more.  I want more than just the mundane drudgery of going to work and bringing home a paycheck and spending money and dying with nothing to show for it but a bunch of stuff!  I want to spend my energy giving it all away - my time, my money, my life - for the glory of God the Father.  It's what we were made to do anyway!


Who cares if people think we're weird because we do things differently than they do?  That's what people need to see.  It's radical to follow Jesus.  Normal to Him is entirely backwards to the rest of the world.


So be radical.


I dare you.