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The last few weeks have been a blur with the start of school, new developmental stages with our daughter, my sister getting engaged, writing a play and all kinds of events that have just plain kept us running. It's really easy to get so caught up in life and not come here to chronicle it. This just doesn't make the list of priorities if I'm strapped for time.

Not to say I haven't been reading (although, I do miss days). The last few days have been a little bit in the Psalms and Ezekiel, but most of my time has been spent reading about the last days in Revelation. It was exciting at first for me because I was hoping for a fresh perspective, some new lesson that I hadn't heard before, something that might help me grasp the whole book better. Let's be honest here, Revelation is hard!

I told Beth last night that I feel like I haven't really gotten anything new out of this book, and it's a little disappointing for me. She is so right-on sometimes because she reminded me about something that I had let slip my mind, (and here I'm paraphrasing)

"Just remember sometimes you're storing up for another time."

Gah! Just like Paul, she just gets to the heart of me! There will be a time when I need what I've read in Revelation, I just may not be able to see it right now. Or what if I didn't read it for me but to share with someone else? I can't always know what God has specifically in mind for each day or week or month or year in my life, but I can be faithful. I can study His Word, I can pray, I can seek to glorify Him in everything. He'll use me when it's right. He'll bring these Revelation songs back to my mind when the timing is perfect.

Isn't that just it? I don't always know how He'll do it, but He will be glorified. Amen.

**Just curious, but do any readers out there have any lessons from or tips on how to read Revelation?**

Peace

Long story short, for the past week or so as I've been reading the Bible I've been coming across verses that made me question my salvation a little. It made me unsettled because I still remember the day I gave my life to Christ like it was yesterday. To be honest, I really started questioning and wondering if God was trying to tell me that I only thought I had been a Christian all these years. Today, in Jeremiah 17 I read,

"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick, who can understand it?"

That was a huge tipping point for me because I just really started worrying more than before. So I prayed. Halfway through my reading this morning I couldn't handle the worry anymore, so I just prayed:

"God, I know what you've done in my heart. I can see things that you've taught me through the years about yourself. I remember coming to you more clearly than anything. Please give me peace about my salvation, strength to keep pursuing your will, and the courage to do your will when I figure it out."

Feeling a little better and more at peace just from giving my worry to God, I continued in my reading. This was the first verse I read:

"I have said all these things to you to keep you from falling away." John 16:1

...and then this...

"...for the Father himself loves you, because you have loved me and have believed that I came from God." John 16:27

...and then this...

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace." John 16:33

If that's not an answer to prayer, I don't know what is! I feel like today was just for me, but I hope that it's an encouragement to some of you who read this.

Satisfaction

While I was reading this morning I found something that either I had overlooked or just never seen before, and yet again it was thought-provoking and convicting for me.

In John 14, Jesus is talking to the disciples about being the way, the truth and the life. Then, this is interjected:

"Philip said to him, 'Lord, show us the Father, and it is enough for us.'"

I think it's commonly interpreted as a misunderstanding. Obviously even Jesus thought that because of the way that he answers Philip's question. But I couldn't help thinking, "What if Philip didn't misunderstand? What if he got it better than any of the disciples?"

I mean, Philip has just been told that the only way to the Father is through Jesus and he has two responses:

1. He wants Jesus to lead him to the Father.

2. He is completely satisfied with that and nothing more.

How often do I ask just to be lead to the Father? To sit at His feet and glorify Him for who He is and what He's about? Often enough, I suppose. But I could certainly ask more. I could desire it more. Am I going to be satisfied with worship on Sunday and Wednesday? Or am I going to never let anything stop me from worshipping my Savior until God calls me home?

How often am I satisfied with just the Father and nothing more? Not nearly as often as I should. I don't think I could even count how many times I've asked God for stuff that I wanted or made deals with Him in tough situations. If God is as great and sustaining and incredible as I believe He is, why do I not settle for just being with Him?

Philip may have misunderstood Jesus at the time, but he sure did know how to ask a penetrating question.

Lord, show me to the Father, and it is enough for me.

Glory

John called me out this morning: "...for they loved the glory that comes from man more than the glory that comes from God." John 12:43

Here I was, boppin' along, almost to the end of my reading for the day, and I literally thought, "I don't feel very convicted about anything. Maybe God is giving me a break to focus on other lessons He's taught me." HA! My insides feel like He just body-slammed them all over the place.

I am painfully reminded today that all too often I seek the praise of man for the things that I do in life. I don't think that John is saying the praise of man is bad by any means. I mean one of the major ways that I encourage the people around me is by praising them for something they've said or done. I think even that praise is a very good thing. BUT, a dangerous thing happens when we trade normal praise for glory. When I lift someone or something up to a place of distinction, honor, even adoration - that's when I get in trouble. That's what John is talking about here. It's even worse in this example because John is refering to people who believe Jesus is the Christ and will not confess it because they value the glory of man more than the glory of God.

How many times in my life have I done that? I can't even say anymore because my heart is too heavy.

Timing

The thing about the Bible, to me, is that no matter what I happen to be reading for the day, it always seems to convict me about something. Now, I don't really know if I like that or not! I mean, on the one hand it means that the Bible is relevant to life and I am definitely okay with that. But on the other hand it implies that I have a lot of junk in my life that needs convicting about, and to be honest I don't like admitting that I'm sinful and have things that need fixing! Wouldn't it just be easier if God could let me be and not keep forming me into His image?

Anyway, here is yet another example of the conviction of the Word in my own life:

"Jesus said to them, 'My time has not yet come, but your time is always here.'" John 7:6

When I first read that verse this morning, I thought, 'Oh, yeah, Jesus is talking about how His time on the cross has not yet come, He's just biding His time until the final act when He saves us all from our sins.' But something struck me and I had to read it again.

I think it was the word 'always' that did it. Here I am reading a verse and passing all the responsibility of glorifying God through sacrifice onto Jesus, when the whole key to this verse rests on me and my calling. Jesus said, '...your time is ALWAYS HERE.' I feel like maybe an exclamation point needs to go there because He is emphasizing my responsibility as a Christian.

What am I here on earth for? "To glorify God and enjoy Him forever." I'm not here to just be laissez-faire and say that someone else can share Christ with the people of this world. I'm not hear to just have "fire-insurance." I am here on earth to give my whole life in sacrifice to God. I am here to give up my wants for His wants, my desires for His desires. I am here to share Christ with every person that I meet without regard for consequence, reputation, or anything!

And what do I do instead? I sit, stand, walk, and talk through life while letting opportunity after opportunity pass me by to share the love of Christ. I push my responsibility off onto other people, but go to church regularly and worship so that I can feel good about myself.

Like Penn Jillette (an atheist) so convictingly said in a recent video, "How much do you have to hate somebody to not proselytize? How much do you have to hate somebody to believe that everlasting life is possible, and NOT tell them that?"

Arise

This passage has been stuck in my head for almost a week now. I think mainly it's because the verses are utterly convicting and totally encouraging at the same time. Maybe I should share them with someone?

"Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you. For behold, darkness shall cover the earth, and thick darkness the peoples; but the Lord will arise upon you and his glory will be seen upon you. And nations shall come to your light, and kings to the brightness of your rising." Isaiah 60:1-3

How encouraging is it to know that the Lord is shining so brightly for us to see in this pit we live in for the time being? He loves us and He's bringing us out of the darkness!

But, I have been seriously convicted as well. The first two words seem like commands to me. They just punch and poke and prod at me.

Arise!

Shine!

Am I? My prayer is that every day I rise up and shine the glory of the Lord that has risen upon me. I suppose having to ask myself that question means I haven't been doing a very good job. May I continue in conviction until His kingdom comes.

Wisdom

I realized this weekend that there are people who actually read what I write on this blog.  I know it's not much (or very often!  Thanks, Tim!!), but it's encouraging to know that some people are following my often scattered thoughts along this journey.

Reading this morning was pretty good for me.  The LifeJournal had a passage from the Psalms and 2 Thessalonians, but the one that really struck me was 1 Kings 3:5-15.  It's that story I've heard since I was child.  You know, the one about Solomon being asked by God, "What do you want from me?  I'll give you anything you ask!"

Now, at this point, I'm thinking, "Anything?  Okay, well, I really want a million dollars and that new computer I saw and a new car that doesn't squeak every time I turn and a new pair of shoes and an iPod with more memory and 36 hours in a day so that sometimes I don't feel so rushed for time and...and...and..."  Let me just be honest, I like stuff!  If God told me He'd give me anything - well, I think I'd have the hardest time just narrowing it down to one thing.

Solomon, on the other hand, seems like he had a cheat sheet or something.  He hit the nail on the head and asked for exactly the right thing.  He said, "Lord, I'm young and I want wisdom to lead Your people."  What?!  Who does that?  I mean, he's like the same age as I am right now when God asks him this.  I seriously thought when I first heard this story that Solomon would answer, "Yeah, um, I was really hoping for a new chariot with those 42 inch spinners and gold spokes.  What about that hip new harp player?  Can he be on my permanent staff?"

My favorite part about the answer that Solomon gives, though, is this.  In verse 7 he says, "...although I am but a little child."  I never really noticed this before, but Solomon just speaks volumes to me about himself by saying this.  First, he is showing me how humble he is.  I mean, when God asks me what I want I'm thinking of all this stuff, but Solomon just lays it out there that he is young and doesn't know how to do this job that has been passed to him.  He humbles himself  in front of the Lord and that is just impressive to me.  What an example!

I think the thing that I realized just this morning about Solomon was how wise he already was when God offered him everything.  Solomon was wise enough to recognize his youth, his inexperience, and ask for help.  He didn't ask for riches or power because he already knew that none of those material things could help him lead Israel.  He was wise beyond his years before he even asked for wisdom and that is so impressive to me.

I guess the question I'm asking myself now is, "Am I asking for stuff or wisdom?"

Steadfast

Even people like David, Moses, and Abraham, giants in our faith, had difficult times.  They struggled with this sin nature that we all carry inside.  They had hurts that seemed to them too much for one heart to bear.  Yet, they made it.

I wonder sometimes how they did it, how even when life was the most difficult it had ever been they found the strength to hold on.  David explains it pretty well in his Psalms:

"In You, O Lord, do I take refuge...you are my rock and my fortress...I trust in You, O Lord...O, how abundant is your goodness...Blessed be the Lord, for he has wondrously shown his steadfast love to me..." Psalm 31

All of Psalm 31 that I didn't write down were bad things that kept happening to David, things that were wearing him down and making him feel abandoned, but David keeps coming back to the Lord with gratitude for the things he has done and trusting him to continue proving his steadfast love.  David had his priorities straight.  First, worship God.  Second, everything else.  I think an adjustment might be in order.

Truth

'Beware, your sin will find you out!' - Paraphrase of Numbers 32:23

I cannot count how many times I heard that from my dad growing up.  He always had a verse from the Bible to back up what he was admonishing me about, and that one was for the stuff I had done that he hadn't found out about yet!

The older I get though, the more I realize just how wise my dad is.  And it's not just knowledge about the Bible.  It's common sense stuff, too.  I hope I have that good of a head on my shoulders when I'm his age.  He was right to quote that to me, it resounds in my head every time I do something wrong.  He's reminding me subconsciously that even if I think I got away with it (like cutting the cat's whiskers with scissors), I really haven't.  Even if someone on earth never knows what I've done, God knows.

As I was reading in 2 Corinthians 13 this morning, my dad popped into my head again.  Paul is telling the church in verse 8, 

"For we cannot do anything against the truth, but only for the truth."

The truth always comes out, always wins, always rises to the top of whatever situation.  Paul is reminding me that honesty really is the best policy.  What's harder to remember?  The truth or a lie?

Or a lie that covered up a lie that you told the other day to protect another lie you told last week which was really just a rearranging of the details to cover someone else who lied for you two years ago to cover up something you did and just now had to lie about again because the first lie was told and if you told the truth now then the first lie would have been a waste of time because then everyone would know that it was really a lie?

Who wants to live like that?!  How much harder is it to just tell the truth?  You have to live with the consequences of either decision, except that if you tell the truth then the consequences are over with a lot sooner...

Come and Listen

I was talking to someone yesterday who is struggling with the internal battles that Paul talks about in Romans 7:

"We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin.  I do not understand what I do.  For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.  And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.  As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me.  I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.  For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.  For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do - this I keep on doing.  Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it."

He sounds a little schizophrenic, but he's right!  I feel the same way sometimes.  We all feel that way sometimes, and this person is right there.  Oh, how I empathize!  I felt like I could really say, "Been there, done that," and mean it.  I could speak from my own life yesterday because I have definitely been there.

Interestingly enough, the Life Journal reading for today seemed so applicable to yesterday's conversation.  In Psalm 66:

"If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened; but God has surely listened and heard my voice in prayer.  Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me!"

Wow, that speaks to me.  It is so encouraging that God doesn't turn away from us.  That even when we fail, if we cry out to him, he comes and loves us anyway.

And then in 2 Corinthians, Paul is talking about how God comforts the downcast and that sometimes our sin brings deep sorrow to our hearts, but that sorrow leads us to a clearer view of who God is and what he is about.  That sorrow produces "earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done."

Paul - you are a genius!  Why are you so encouraging to me?  Oh, yeah, because you're a real person.  You don't try to hide behind some mask.  We know you struggled with sin, we know you messed up, but you still kept doggedly on toward the prize.

God, thank you for an example like Paul!  A real man, with real issues, who just plain got it.  Thank you for speaking through him into my heart.  I need that encouragement sometimes.